Dhai : A keen learner

She was married at the tender age of 14, when she was barely able to take any decision for herself. For 18 year old Dhai it was a decision came as a surprise when one fine morning her family decided to marry her elder brother with a girl of Jaitnasar, a nearby village. Abiding by the prevalent tradition Dhai’s family decide to marry Dhai with the brother of their would be bride. Ignorant of the impact of such an abrupt family decision on her life, Dhai was soon thereafter came to her in - laws place. Dulharam, the bride groom was totally illiterate doing nothing but idling and roaming around in the village from day to night. However, her mother in law Kesar Bai was a woman with conviction and strong inclination towards education.

When Doosra Dashak initiated work in Bap block, Kesar Bai too came in contact with project personnel and attended several group meetings. While interaction, she realized the potential of the project and ultimately after much thought decided to send her two daughters in laws to the residential camp of Doosra Dashak to study. Both Dhai and Seema (the wife of kesar Bai’s younger son gaina ram) were asked to go for study alongwith their husbands.

Remembering the whole scene at that time Dhai seems quite amused and says- “Myself and Seema both were not at all interested in leaving house for such a long time. We created a ruckus about it and tried our best not to go. But Sasu ma (mother-in-law) was quite sure that we should. She accompanied us to the camp and returned only after handing us over to our didi’s (teachers). For few days we felt as if had come to a Jail. It was quite different from our life pattern. Everything was expected in time- breakfast, studies, lunch, dinner and even sports. We were not use to it. Also, I started missing my husband”.

“However, gradually we acclimatized ourselves to the environment around, made friends and started enjoying our being there. I would say that personally I was quite overwhelmed by the attitude of the people around- the teachers, peers and others. Everyone was considerate, caring and ready to adjust”.

“I too started taking interest in studies and was keen on learning as much as I could in a short span of 3 months. There were days when I studied through the night. As the camp ended I passed grade III and was given a certificate stating my eligibility for grade IV. In a function, full of spectator and our family members we were given certificates with a round of applause. My sister in law also passed grade III. For us those 3 months would be an unforgettable moments in our lives”.

“Now, I want to study further. Lal ji (the Project Director of Bap block) has promised me to do something and I am waiting for that moment to come when I would be able to take exam of grad VIII. I have started studying at home and Doosra Dashak workers help me whenever I need. But in order to be successful, I want more assistance and guidance”.

Sitting nearby was her mother in law Kesar Bai, looking proudly at her daughter in law’s face. She laughs and says - “Seema, returned home 4-5 times in the beginning, Dhai also returned once. But each time I made it a point that they went back and study. People use to ridicule and say: “Kesar Bai why do you have to fetch water and cook food when you have two such strong daughter in laws”. I ignored them. I felt if they would study, their future would change. According to me, meeting people and seeing life is important. I feel sorry that I couldn’t get such opportunities in my time, otherwise I would have surely benefited”. It is hard to believe that sitting in front is a woman from a traditional background where voices of women hardly matter. She looks bright, energetic, ready to listen to others and be a support to her daughter in laws. Otherwise Dhai’s life is not easy.

Dhai’s husband Dulaharam, couldn’t complete her residential camp. He ran in between on provocation of some friends. He has the grudge that Dhai didn’t accompany him and continued her studies. He doesn’t want to live anymore with Dhai. Does this irritant gesture of Dulaharam disturb her? On asking this question, Dhai laughs and says: “I don’t know why he does so, frankly as of now I am not bothered. I can’t think of any thing except studies. I am sure he would realize his mistake some time or the other. I am not in hurry. I am just bothered about my sister in law who is married to my brother. When I go to my parent’s place they feel bad that Dulaharam is treating me shabbily. To take revenge they misbehave with my sister in law, which I don’t like at all. My parents also don’t subscribe my participation in project activities. But mother in law always takes my side, which gives me satisfaction and strength”.

Kesar Bai adds: “Even for this science fair (we met Dhai and her mother in law in the 7 day science fair took place in Kishanganj block of Doosra Dashak ) I went to her parent’s place and took her with one. They were against her going out, but in front of me they couldn’t say anything”.

“I would request you to arrange for her studying further. I am ready to pay the expenses involved, but don’t want my daughter in laws to lead the life which I led”. Everybody around is spell bound. We are talking to a Bhil woman from a totally deprived illiterate background advocating for education and that also for her daughter in laws. Perhaps change is difficult to bring but certainly not impossible, women like Kesar Bai assure.